I'd Like to Teach Rosanne to Sing

Remember that happy song "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" that Coca-cola actually created in a commercial and then they scrambled to make it into a real song because it was so popular? Well, let's go weird this time on the parody and take it to a darker side...

I’d like to teach Rosanne to sing
In perfect harmony
Lose 100 pounds and wear a ring
From heterosexual matrimony

I’d like to scrub her entire mouth
From verbal profanity
Move her deep down into the South
To learn hospitality

(That’s the dream I had)
I’d like to remove her usual scowl
(And it’s disturbing, I know)
Add puffed lips like all of the stars
(But I can’t wake it’s so bad)
Some plastic surgery to remove fatty jowl
(Like the daughter on her show)
And ban her from the bars.